BlackFridayWatch.com

Black Fridays abound overseas. In Australia, Black Friday denotes one of their most devastating brush fires. Another Black Friday commemorates the start of the Falklands War. A massacre in Iran, a riot in Glasgow, and the Friday prior to Christmas in the U.K. given over to mass public drunkenness - all of them mark their mark their troubles “Black Friday.”

But not us. For most Americans, and maybe the Canadians, the modern Black Friday has all the panic, little of the bloodshed, and just a healthy dose of immorality

Why call it “Black Friday?” Of course, the most basic explanation of the day’s moniker comes from the term “black” meaning profitable, as in the day that retailers finally move out of the red ink and into the black. When I was a kid, the idea of the holiday shopping season starting as early as the day after Thanksgiving seemed laughable. This year, as I strolled down the center aisle of CVS, picking Halloween candy from between back-to-school pencils and Christmas wreaths, I marvel at how quickly things change. And though the actual date of the retailing blitz may have begun to drift back into the late beach season, we retain Black Friday as the “official” start of profitability. Oh, how sentimental we have become.

As it turns out, Friday may not even put retailers in the black. For all the hype, the day after Thanksgiving is not the largest shopping day of the year, financially speaking. The biggest shopping days are actually the Friday and Saturday before Christmas. Some studies place Black Friday second or third, others as low as fifth. We spent 22.8 billion dollars over last year’s Black Friday weekend, according to the National Retail Federation. That’s less than 11 percent of what we spent for the whole season.

Not that the crowds don’t show up. 133 million people beat a path to their favorite stores on Black Friday last year. But if they’re not buying that day, what’s all the hoo-ha about?

Ellen Tolley Davis, a spokesperson for the NRF, highlights the fact that Black Friday’s importance does not lie solely in the day’s receipts. “It’s a first impression,” she states. “You’ve gotten the person into your store that day to see your products. When they’re shopping, they’ll remember you and come back.”

To reiterate (somebody go get the Irony Bell, because I’m about to give it a good tug), what the experts are telling us is that Black Friday is actually a holiday built on marketing. It’s fanfare for the fanfare.

At this point in the discussion, it seems only fair to recognize the other half of the population today. That’s right - you. The kids who sit along the wall at the high school dance and make fun of everybody. It shouldn’t surprise me. You showed up to the dance, and you came to this site today, so don’t tell me you aren’t a little curious. Recognizing Black Friday as an embodiment of this idea, advertising for its own sake, might be vindication enough for some of the scorners. You’re more than welcome to point an accusing finger and say, “Aha! I knew it was phony all along.” Frankly, I’m with the kids along the wall most of the time. The idea of standing in line at 5 a.m. for anything, let alone bargain TVs and discounted neckties, seems beyond the pale of sensible human behavior. But why begrudge the people that do? Phony or not, they’re excited to be there.

The latest trend is to hop on the new holiday, “Buy Nothing Day,” created by the anti-consumerism magazine, Adbusters. The idea of creating an awareness of corporate greed is one thing, but reactionary movements often rely on the one thing you’d want less of on this day: noise.

Besides, I’ve bought nothing plenty of days and never felt the need to make a holiday out of it.

If the din of pro-consumerism attention grabbing has already gotten under your skin, prepare yourself. Experts are predicting an even louder campaign this year. As we move into the buying season, people are expected to find their gas and oil bills to be much higher than last year. You can try and convince the family that a warm house really is the best gift of all, but it’s a hard one to stuff under the tree. In order to part you from your dollar, retailers will be putting on the hard sell, digging in with deep discounts and a megaphone.

Scoffing at the humbuggery of it all is an easy trap. I’ve already taken down my Cheerless Face from the hall closet and practiced walking by the bell ringers outside of Wal-Mart. I’ve found it’s also good for repelling survey-takers, store greeters, and shopping mall elves. But is my grim, shoulder-hunching attitude justified, or merely reluctance that the holidays seem so far removed from their depiction in my childhood mythology?

Jack Santino, author of All Around the Year, Holidays and Celebrations in American Life reminds us that “Holidays require action: giving gifts, traveling, sending cards, makings foods, decorating.” Should it be so hard to accept, then, that these actions coincide with the needs of the economy? It may not have the frosty romance of Santa’s workshop and prancing reindeer, but a healthy economy that makes affordable the option to travel home, eat mashed potatoes, and open presents in the morning is something I can get behind.

Skirting a path between the twin obstacles of mistletoe-bedecked holiday drivel and abject misery at the sight of icicle lights is no mean feat. Black Friday is the starting gun. The fanfare will be blinding, and the reasons behind it discarded or frighteningly absent. But with mashed potatoes as my compass, I may survive. If we can endure this day with our mirth in tact, we’ve got a good chance of seeing through to another year.